Monday, September 03, 2007

Taste the Stupidity


Has it come to this? Have we become so desensitized that we need a bottle to change color to let us know when it is cold? Coors trumpets this can as an innovation: the only bottle that let's you know when it's cold. Maybe Coors should add little chimes to alert its stupefied customers when they have successfully opened the bottle. And maybe the bottle can change color a second time to let drinkers know that their booze has run dry and that it is once again time to check the next bottle to see if it is cold enough to drink.

They call their technological breakthrough a "cold-activated bottle." All these years, I have been yearning for an activated bottle.

When the most compelling attribute you can come up with to sell your beer is that it is cold, it is a sure sign that you are selling swill.

6 comments:

La Misma said...

Ha ha! This is very funny. You express yourself very well here.

You know who you should read? George Saunders. His stories show that yes, it has come to this kind of stupidity in America. We're bumbling around in a moral vaccuum made up of consumerism, reality TV and shallow self-help mantras, all dumbing us down almost to a primitive level, while in other parts of the world, people starve or die of war wounds.

He does this through use of humor, actually, but you can see the larger point and it's very well done.

vacuous said...

Whereas before you would need to use your sense of touch to tell whether the beer was cold, now you can use your sense of sight instead. For example, if you were standing between two tables each 50 feet away, each with a can on it, and you could see one was cold from the color, you wouldn't have to laboriously walk to the other table to check it by hand. You could walk straight to the correct table, saving yourself 100 feet of extra walking.

It seems to me the much more useful sense to use is that of hearing. Make the can chime when it reaches the correct temperature. That way you could put it in the fridge and wait around in the next room on the couch until you hear it chime. (I guess you'd need a loud chime.) Perhaps there could be a radio signal from the 6 pack that your speakers, or iPhone or whatever picks up, and you'd get the announcement wherever you are.

Anonymous said...

You've found an alcove in Pan's labyrinth. Drink up! (Not really.)--S29

beckett said...

thank you, LM. You shoud work for a packaging co., V (or maybe Hallmark). NC, S29.

G Cracker said...

Freezy Freakies!
(I might be showing my age here)
if they had cool stuff show up when cold I might be tempted to buy it,
like if Jesus showed up when cold.
www.80stees.com/products/Freezy-Freakies-Snow-Gloves.asp

Don said...

Perhaps it's because the Rockies just sometimes aren't that cold. Which would explain why Coors take like butt most of the time.

http://www.blueplanetbiomes.org/rocky_mountain.htm "The Rockies have very different seasons...In the spring there is unpredictable weather. It could be wet or dry, cold or warm. In the summer there are sunny mornings, afternoon thunderstorms and clear nights. In the fall there are cool, crisp days, wind and decreasing precipitation."