Friday, November 14, 2014


No containing the unstable liquids within. Concrete, lead, fail spectacularly, bursting, crumbling, disseminating poison in dissolution.

Equanimity is as fleeting as joy or triumph and in its impermanence is suffering just like everything else.

This moment won't hold. This love. This safety. It's already passed, destroyed by observation.

This sky will rain acid. This earth will breathe mercury. This body will breathe dirt.

You, my love, my reason, are a wisp, a puff, a fragmentary figment.

We, together, this holy union, a notion, and the believers strung up, pilloried, crucified, and piked line the road ahead and behind.

I hate to talk so, but sideways, with averted eyes, is the only way to approach Truth, because to see Truth is to know death. To know death is to be free. To be free is to let go of attachment. To let go of attachment is to see the futility of desire. To see the futility of desire is to know death.

You want sense? It doesn't exist. You want justification? I present to you sheaves of it.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Computer Dependence

Computer as Mediator of Experience

Frequently, when I notice something interesting, I want to share it. And I immediately think of this disinterested throng of Facebook "friends." For praise, or commiseration, or to provoke an argument.  Not that I'm thinking of these things so clearly.  Really I'm just thinking of some girl I went to law school with and thought was cool.  Or my family. On facebook, the interactions are short - usually less than full sentences. So when I consider it more carefully, I usually decide not to share my pithy thought with a group of people who are at best only partly listening.

And so the thought shrivels.

When I'm the least bit bored.  When I have a "what do I do now?" moment, I almost always reach for the computer. There's a siren call of transcendence in the ultimate power of a computer.  Endless instant information, ideas, opinions, arguments, laughter.  All available to just about everyone at the incredibly low price of all of your privacy.

Usually, a few hours slip away, as I click away at the same few pages over and over again. It's ridiculous. I should seek out stuff. Instead, I want it to come to me.  So I sometimes open reddit in a new tab while I'm waiting for something to load on reddit. "God this is taking too long, I need something to entertain myself during these long fractions of seconds, how about the exact same thing I'm already doing? Oh look, it's a guy in a clever rocketpack costume. Some gifted "redditor" (such an cloyingly dumb appellation) explains how a universal joint works. Comics. Funny pictures. Time to stop, but one more link. In a second. Just one more.

I sometimes check my email when I'm driving. Or text.

This is obviously insane. This is so incredibly stupid. I can't justify doing it at all. The only explanation is addiction. I have to stop before I crash into a truck or run over a kid on a bike. I'm risking my life and others' for the meagerest of pleasures. Most everything that appears on my phone is garbage. Like 99% of it.  It's all ads or more shit I have to do.