Work, Eat, Sleep

What else is there, anyway? Love? Not necessary. All the things you might do to occupy yourself? All unnecessary. The sports, the PlayStation, the bars, the clubs, the concerts, the theater, the blogs, the newspapers, the causes, the charities: all of it feels like some sort of not-so-profound distraction from a basic truth.

But what is the purpose of all this distraction? There are three main possibilities. The first is that there is no purpose. That all activity beyond the basic necessities of survival is necessarily frivolous and pointless. It is activity that is engaged in because we have become, as a species, just too damned good at the survival game, and must spin fantastic games with our copious free time.

The second possibility is strongly opposed to the first. The truth could be that all this distracting activity is integral to the game of survival of the fittest. That the social interaction, activities, and all the ways we play are manifestation of our animal natures, meant to attract mates, prove our worth as partners, and practice skills needed for survival just as a cat chases a string.

The final possibility is that the feeling of distraction is not so universal as I think. In this case, my experience cannot be generalized. It instead points to a deep unrest within me. A trauma of such magnificence that I dare not look at it, so that even eating, working, sleeping become a distraction from this fearsome truth. I know there is one such truth which I fear to embrace: death. I also know that a deep-seated fear of death is not confined to person, and that this is not the only fear I refuse to fully face. There are more: likely many more that I dare not even write.

Oddly, I believe all three of the above theories to be true. And I believe in good. In helping others, but I am not certain why.

I love to love. I love to play. But I wonder why.

I've read of the philosophy that people are here to help others. Seems just as likely to me that we are here to dominate others. Domination through any and all means is certainly the preferred course of action.